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not in my body

not even me

11/21/07 03:37 am - fuego

I just joined...before I spend any time making a post, I'm just wondering are people still reading?

11/8/05 02:13 pm - lord_raphael

When you get a dp episode, how do you deal?

I find that every time I go through it I waste a lot of my time, hours even, I didn't learn to cope with it at all, at least not yet.

Any advice? Any breathing/meditative techniques? Do you close your eyes and just hope it'll pass?

10/20/05 02:28 pm - lord_raphael

Hi, I'm Roxy and I'm new. I was diagnosed with depersonalizion disorder only 3 years ago.
This was crosspostd in my journal. It was an incident that happened to me last night.

Sometimes, it's as if my hands and my body aren't mine. One minute, I stare at my hands, the hands I've always known were mine, but then there's that moment when they become disattached, I am looking at them from a third person perspective, they suddenly appear to move further and further away from me. I try to move them and it feels as if I'm not doing the moving, and they are someone else's hands, and something else is controlling them.

Sometimes I feel ghostly. I want to escape myself, and it feels like I'm flying away. I'm slowly levitating and I feel as if any minute I will lose my sense of self. I look into the mirror: is this me I am staring at? It's as if there's another consciousness there. And then, it's as if I've myself developped another consciousness, appart from my physical self.

The world around me becomes suddenly unreal and the environment seems like it's my imagination. I start to panic: I am put into this dream and I need to wake up. Everything around me starts to seem like it's a computer program and calculable. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm not sure what to do with my body. I pace around my appartment, searching for answers. Where is my mind? Where is my consciousness?

I am scared I am dying. I am unreal, and nothing seems real. I feel numb. This is where time is standing still.

EDIT: After writing this entry, I scrolled down and read the first entry. I couldn't believe how much similarity there was between those who suffer from dp. It's so relieving to know that I'm not alone.

10/19/05 09:23 pm - _vkaipols_lulu

i've noticed a prevelency of lesbianism/homosexuality/bisexuality/transexuality in the people that have dp/dr. has anyone else noticed this? can anyone relate to this? its just a curiousity of mine because i find the comparisons interesting.

8/18/05 12:28 am - aiuna

hi, no one has updated in a while, so i guess i will =)

i never knew what dr/dp was until my first year in college when i took abnormal psych.

i remember my senior year of high school, i was walking down the hallway to my next class thinking about how much i hated school, life, wanted to die, etc. and suddenly everything around me became fuzzy like nothing around me was real at all. i felt like i was watching myself on tv or in a dream or something. i felt like i could barely control myself or my mind or my body and i didn't know how i could even make myself walk, it stopped making sense, if that makes any sense, heh. so somehow i ran outside and got away from everyone and sat down until it passed. at the time, i thought it probably was a panic attack. after that i got it every once in a while.

but after a while with therapy and medication (for depression) i stopped getting it for a long time. i can still remember kind of what it was like and still have times when i feel like things aren't real but it's not strong or in episodes like that, it's more of just thinking too much.

i was put on medication for my stomach pains a couple of weeks ago and that caused it to come back really strong. i'd be walking, or driving or something and suddenly feel like i was in a dream, i'd have to remind myself that things were real and what i was doing. then when it stopped i'd feel like i was waking up from a dream. i probably shouldn't have been driving while on that stuff, heh, but i didn't know. i've stopped taking it now and it's gone away again. i still get dizzy from it sometimes but i feel better now.

so i hope other people share stories too!! i like stories.

7/30/05 01:41 pm - _vkaipols_lulu

ahoy, i'm kaela [i prefer to be called ludie though], and i've started this community for people with depersonalization/ derealization. these are some of the definitions i've found for them, but i believe that the symptoms all depend on the person:

Depersonalization : A frightening and/or disturbing experience of not being within one's own body or of being in immediate danger of vanishing/separating from reality – often described as the sensation of living inside a dream. Although cognitive functioning remains intact, the sufferers feel disconnected from their sense of self and often interpret it “as if I am losing my mind.”
“ My hands feel like they're made of paper, or like they belong to someone else.” “My own face in a mirror seems foreign, like I have never really seen it before this moment…” “I cannot feel my body, not truly numb, but it is as if I have disappeared into myself, beyond my own flesh and blood…”
“Sometimes I literally wonder if I am already dead and existing as a ghost…it feels like my soul is trying to leave its shell and I am fighting with all my strength to hold it inside this body. I don't know if I'm dreaming or awake; I must be going insane…to feel my self wafting away…I know it is only a matter of time…”

Derealization : A state of consciousness that creates a sense of detachment from all environments, fogginess, as if a plate of glass is in between the mind and the physical world. Any concentration requires tremendous effort, and the harder the sufferer tries to focus, the more disconnected they become. Often including feelings of déjà vu or jamais vu. Familiar places look alien, bizarre, and surreal – as if they are part of a Salvador Dali painting. In fact, the more familiar the surrounding, the more foreign it seems to be.

i'm watching a movie at current but i'll be updating later with my personal story/ experience. and i hope to hear other peoples'.
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